Father of the Year Moment #126: 2 hands, 4 kids

How I got through the day with my sanity intact:

Step one: pick up neighborhood kids. It does not matter which kids; it may be random. Pick up as many that can legally fit in your car, or van, or SUV. Shit, contemplate renting a bus.

Step two: throw your infant in the back with random kids so you can drive around while they go sledding/skating/hockey playing in nearest park. You will get to know the neighborhood extremely well; may be a little too well. Say statements to yourself like, what in the Sam Hell were they thinking painting that house that color?

Step three: Drive around in circles so that your infant may sleep. Do you have to pee? Oh well, that’s called sacrifice. Am I wasting gas? A better question is, is my kid sleeping? Yes! We call that success.

Step four: Let your wife run errands and go shopping with just one kid; let her pick which kid. She will think it is Christmas all over again! You will redeem yourself for the shitty jewelry you picked out in past Christmases. Yes Heather, I know you did not like it.

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