Today, I sat in professional development seminar questioning 1) whether I had lost my sanity for commuting in a zero visability snow storm (yes), and/or 2) which was worse – the presentation, or the regurgitated cheese smell emitting from my son’s room after he puked in his bed at 3 a.m. (Side note: the seminar was probably the best that I had ever attended in my teaching career).
“I want you to look at a poem.”
Yes, I went into it with a shitty attitude. But that attitude was soon gone when I read the title:
To the Boys Who May One Day Date My Daughter by Jesse Parent.
I often wonder about the type of men that one or both my daughters are going to bring home. Yes, I do not wonder the women that my sons will bring home; mostly because they will have my wife to deal with (may God have mercy on those poor women’s souls).
Do you know how hard it is to be a father nowadays?! I don’t (I nor do I claim to?), but I do teach high school – which is why thinking about all the possible suitors that could dawn my doorstep scares the absolute shit out of me.
So, what is my way of preparing for this inevitable stop on this rollercoaster fatherhood?I lift a lot of heavy weights.
Do I religiously lift heavy weights to fulfill a mid-life crisis? No.
Do I lift heavy weights because I have a sport or activity that requires me to stay fit? No.
Do I lift heavy weights to stay in shape? Well a little (I do. I like to eat).
But the main reason I lift heavy weights is to keep those boys away, dammit! Sure, those boys are only between the ages of 6 to 10, but I have to get a head start, don’t I?
Listen, nothing makes me feel better than having a boy say to my daughter, “Shit, your dad is huge!
In the end, I am slowly starting to realize that I truly have very little control over either of my daughters’ choices (my wife, female colleagues and female friends never let me forget – thanks for the stories of how you evaded each of your father’s cloud of protection, by the way, it makes everything so much better). But, at this point, I am willing to do anything. And if broad shoulders and vascular thighs are what keeps future suitors’ testosterone at bay, then I guess we will just call it a sacrifice for the greater good.