For the past 12 years, I have brought you the ins and outs of my entire family, Mostly the times when I stick my foot in my mouth. I am sure you all enjoy typing “Heather is a Saint” in the comments.
My household has come to a milestone. A benchmark.
My first-born is a teenager…ish.
I am not ready for this bullshit.
For the past 12 years, I would see something funny, dumb, or light-hearted, and quickly publish it for the world to share.
And, whether you want to admit it or not, that shit is funny.
After a while, she would become perturbed.
“Dad! Really! Do you really have to take pictures of everything?”
“Does it have to go to social media?”
*Marches out of the room without swinging arms in a pre-teenagerly way.
(Just to dig one in) “I legally own your likeness until 16!”
I have come to the conclusion that when she becomes a teenager, she is to own her likeness. Yes, really I own it, but she should have a say in how she is represented. I have to accept the fact that she is no longer a little girl and she should be able to choose the way that people interpret her actions. She has a personality, and (God help us) it is damn similar to mine.
Next, will come the lesson on digital citizenship and etiquette.
Before I could even get this first part posted comes the other question:
Why can I not get a (insert social media here)?
I am usually the “because you are too young now shut up and go away” parent. But this time I decided to be the “transformational leader”.
I should have stuck with what I knew.
Do you know how hard it is to explain digital marketing and business ownership to a pre-teen? It is full of, “So, what,” and, “I know that,” and, “All of my friends have it.” Seriously, let’s just forget the chapter about owning your own likeness, digital theft, and copyright.
“Do I really need to know all of this if all I want to do is have fun?”
Fuck. Yes. Little girl.
First of all, the world is a cruel place with shitty people looking to make a buck anywhere they can get it. And second, what is the first thing a potential employer or recruiter does before contacting you about a position?
They Google your name. That’s right, you may not get a call back at 20 because of the shit you did at 13 and thought it was funny. So please forgive the long-winded, passionate overprotective speech that your dear, caring father is giving you.
…and spare me the eye roll please.
Am I going to give you your own social media, yes — prohibition in the digital age will work just as well as prohibition in the 1940’s. But you are going to learn the rules, you are going to give me the password to your accounts, and you are going to get used to constantly looking over your back to spot me on my helicopter.