Father of the Year Moment #133: Gang Recruitment

As I am getting ready to do something with the girls to get them out of the house (they were getting on my damn nerves), when three girls from the neighborhood are walking towards me, “Can the girls come over to play,” asks one.

Wait, what! There aren’t classes that prepared me for that moment! I did not set this up…

I am starting to get an anxiety attack…

What if… (x3).

Shit! Is it already time to let go?

Anatomy of a Shit-Show

4:15: saw weatherman on television.

4:20: walked outside. Seems okay.

4:25: called wife and told her not to drive home. (did not listen).

4:30: thought, “maybe I should get the girls from daycare.” Walk outside. Not so good anymore.

4:32: get to end of street. Is that the siren?

4:34: pick girls up. More like, “get your asses in the car,”

4:36: almost make it to two streets when the traffic stops and the wind picks up 25 ft in front of the car. Can’t see past the wall of wind. Crap self.

4:38: hail on the car. middle of street u-turn. Not so funny anymore girls, is it?

4:40: reach daycare. Spending time with children. Check underwear; we’re good.

I questioned my residency today. If I were back in Alaska, the story would have ended a long time ago with – earthquake stops.

Father of the Year Moment #264: The Classics are Always Better

*My eldest, thinking she is big shit after beating Super Mario Brothers Wii…

Me: Let’s see how great you are with the original Mario Brothers…

*Pandemonium ensues:

You have to go one at a time?

Wait, 3 lives and you start over?

I have to do all of that again?

Wait, you can’t go backwards?

What are the other powers (there are none)?

There is no ice power?

You can’t fly?

Why is he so blocky?

How’d you get in that secret area?

How do you know all this?

What the heck! Why did the mushroom go the other way?

I don’t like this.

Father of the Year Moment #659: The Need For Speed

One of my fondest memories is when my dad brought home a remote control ‘57 Chevy (not one of those cheep ones with the cord attached that only turned left. No). That car could fit a GI Joe action figure inside.

Man was that thing fast!

It was only natural that my sons should have one, right?

Presenting my..er..my son’s first RC.

Tear. This is why I had sons.

Father of the Year Moment #399 – Re-discovery:

On my road trip to and from Iowa with My Oldest, I found out:

She is a fierce competitor, but does not have as much self-confidence as she puts out.

She runs like the wind, but has the running form of Popeye.

She does whatever is in her power to impress me and is upset with herself when I am not happy (even if it is not about her).

She is very funny, but she sucks at telling jokes.

She is kind.

She has a non-chalant attitude, but cares about other’s opinions.

She screams for independence but wants me right by her side.

She is very book smart, yet very gullible.

She loses everything. Usually, it is right in front of her.

She is very tall for her age and has huge feet, which is why people are surprised when they discover her age.

With all of my deadlines for work and school, I had barely noticed how she is becoming her own person. This is happening way too quickly!

Father of the Year Moment #656 – The Progression of Sports Equipment/Apparel:

Kid #1: Only the best for him. Look good, play good, right?

Kid #2: Hmmm… Well, it does fit; and (kid #1) only used it a few times…

Kid #3: That cost how much?! Oh heyell naw; I got one right here; put this on. I said, put. it. on!

Kid #4: I don’t give a damn if it does have a hole in it, you want to play (the sport), right?! Where is my duct tape?

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