“Check that off of the Bucket List” or “Never Again”

I remember when Heather and I stood 8 streets away from Time Square @ 9:30 pm waiting for the ball to drop in NYC.

Don’t get it twisted people – a lot of the people you see on New Years Rockin’ Eve stay in a $3,000 a night hotel in Time Square, no one else can get in. The rest of the people you don’t see are piiiiissed that they got more than they bargained for – no personal space (What the Hell is that poking me in the back? God I hope it is a camera).

Happy New Years!!!

Father of the Year Moment #126: 2 hands, 4 kids

How I got through the day with my sanity intact:

Step one: pick up neighborhood kids. It does not matter which kids; it may be random. Pick up as many that can legally fit in your car, or van, or SUV. Shit, contemplate renting a bus.

Step two: throw your infant in the back with random kids so you can drive around while they go sledding/skating/hockey playing in nearest park. You will get to know the neighborhood extremely well; may be a little too well. Say statements to yourself like, what in the Sam Hell were they thinking painting that house that color?

Step three: Drive around in circles so that your infant may sleep. Do you have to pee? Oh well, that’s called sacrifice. Am I wasting gas? A better question is, is my kid sleeping? Yes! We call that success.

Step four: Let your wife run errands and go shopping with just one kid; let her pick which kid. She will think it is Christmas all over again! You will redeem yourself for the shitty jewelry you picked out in past Christmases. Yes Heather, I know you did not like it.

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