Father of the Year Moment #493 – Therapy Awaits

‪Oldest daughter, grossed out:‬

‪“Put a shirt on!”‬

‪(Bouncing my pecs) “Why should I? I look damn good for my age!”‬

‪“Okay, that is just weird”‬

‪“Pretty sure your friends’ moms don’t think so…”‬

‪“What!”‬

‪“That’s right! I am funny, good looking, and I rock the muscles; sorry, but I got it all. (Double bicep) I’m a hot dad…”

*shocked and mortified*

‪“Mom!”‬

Father of the Year Moment #659: The Need For Speed

One of my fondest memories is when my dad brought home a remote control ‘57 Chevy (not one of those cheep ones with the cord attached that only turned left. No). That car could fit a GI Joe action figure inside.

Man was that thing fast!

It was only natural that my sons should have one, right?

Presenting my..er..my son’s first RC.

Tear. This is why I had sons.

10 Things I learned from taking my son to Monster Jam yesterday:

1. There are a shit ton of people that like Monster Trucks.

2. If you travel about a mile away from the venue, you can buy that $30 Hot Wheels Monster Truck for $10 (still overpriced).

3. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome, unless you have a kid who has to pee; Often.

4. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome if you love the smell of exhaust.

5. The employees selling food and souvenirs know what the hell they are doing. They walk especially slow and make eye contact with your kid. Assholes.

6. Don’t offer a cheaper alternative to concessions, such as a Happy Meal, unless you are ready to go. Now. Ten minutes into the show.

7. Noise. Canceling. Headsets (Thanks, Cindy).

8. There is an an actual technique to 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle.

8a. There is a such thing as 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle competition.

9. I am probably the only person in the building that pays someone else to change his oil and/or tires. Yes, I am a little jealous.

10. Monster trucks are as cool as they were when I was 5. Totally worth it.

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