Stopping yourself from kicking ass and taking names after discovering that your kids found the formula to create an instant indoor skating rink.
FYI: water+ Dawn dish soap+ garage floor= skating rink (make sure to use a broom to spread evenly).
UffdaBlack – Adventures in Parenting
A diary of a black man raising kids in a place he never thought he would call home…
Stopping yourself from kicking ass and taking names after discovering that your kids found the formula to create an instant indoor skating rink.
FYI: water+ Dawn dish soap+ garage floor= skating rink (make sure to use a broom to spread evenly).
There will be no more “Lion Kinging” This beast!
I now have to shower.
He spit up on me…
On my face.
He thinks that shit is funny.
I am traumatized.
This may be the reason why Heather doesn’t let me fix things around the house.
From Heather:
Afro Daughter #2 has misplaced her blanket.
I offered several suggestions and then started to ignore her rant in the name of “natural consequences” and “take care of your own crap.” My silence was not well received.
AD2: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU YOUR MOM DIED AND YOU COULDN’T EVEN GO TO THE FUNERAL!?!? THAT’S BASICALLY WHAT IT’S LIKE!
Accomplishments vs. Realities of being a man (so far):
1. “I am 18, I am a man.” vs. receiving a selective service card and knowing what it actually means.
2. “I have my own apartment, I am a man!” vs. “Why the hell is the food bill so high? I just bought condiments!”
3. “I married this woman, I am a man!” vs. The wife: “No one gives a damn about your past accomplishments.” “Your decorating skills suck.” “You smell.” “Oh that looks nice — in the crawl space.” Etc.
4. “Look at my first born. It is only the best for her (him)!” vs. “24 newborn diapers = $25.00 — 10 size-4 diapers = $25.00. How does that work?
5. “I have a family, I am a man!” vs. “Life insurance? A will? You mean I am going to die at some point?”
6. “My kid is going to dominate at sports!” vs. “How much for (pick a sport/activity/lesson)? My kid isn’t even that good!”
7. “I am going to work to support my family, I am a man!” vs. Daycare bill. (Note: My children attend a very good daycare and I am not above a giving a plug — for a discount (unlikely)).
8. “Look at this house! I have all of this play area for my child.” vs. “Now how in the hell do I fix that?”
8a. “Look at this house! I have all of this play area for my child.” vs. The wife :“Whelp, we are pregnant with number 2, and we need a bigger house.”
9. “Look at this paycheck! I have made so much money!” vs. “Look at this paystub! This can’t be all of the money!”
I think I’ve just depressed myself.
Being deemed “The Best Daddy Ever” by my daughters, but realizing that just yesterday I was deemed “unfair” and “unloving.”
If one day’s grace is what I get, I’ll take it.
“Honey, am I ever going to do anything to make up for all my faults?”
“Oh, you do nice things, but your bullshit is so great, I am thinking… no. Remember tearing a tendon days before our son was born…”
What she meant to say is that she loves me for who I am… I think. 🤔
I think my son and I share the same hairline.
Sorry, my man.
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