Father of the Year Moment 701: Learning Curve – What I learned at my daughter’s first swim meet:

1. The closer you sit to the pool, the more of a chance that you will get wet.

2. Bring two of everything.

3. It is hot as Hell in there, but you might sit under the AC; Wear layers.

4. Swimmers writing on themselves with permanent marker is an approved thing.

5. There is never enough seating. Ever.

6. Bring extra belongings to mark your possible territory.

7. It takes a special person (jury is out on sanity) to swim in an individual medley; my daughter did; I also question her sanity.

8. My kid is still a competitor. She did not want to do this meet, but did 5 events and gave each one her best shot.

W_ Olympians
A pic with Olympians and their medals.

“Shoe on the other foot” or “Walk a mile in her shoes”

I actually feel bad for this mother.

Hear me out.

Her son worked his ass off and received multiple scholarship offer to prestigious schools and picked one; obviously, on his own accord – a momentous occasion for any athlete.

But when ESPN shows this, they will only talk about his mother, who chose to walk out because of his decision.

I believe she was upset.

And now, because of her actions, she will have to live with the fact that her son will always be associated with her action.

I do not believe she did this to upstage her son.

I do not believe that she was mad at her son or was not proud of him.

And, I do not believe she fully understood the gravity of her actions.

And now, because of those actions, she will have to live with the fact that her son will always be associated with them.

In a perfect world, we would look past what happened and celebrate this man’s success. But it is not, and it is immortalized in social media; a media that will show whatever they want, and unfortunately, they will always show this clip.

After a while, he will not care, because he is her son and he will forgive her – just as any son would.

But, she will have to live with the fact that she has now made him “the guy whose mom walked out during his signing.”

And that is unfortunate for her.

10 Things I learned from taking my son to Monster Jam yesterday:

1. There are a shit ton of people that like Monster Trucks.

2. If you travel about a mile away from the venue, you can buy that $30 Hot Wheels Monster Truck for $10 (still overpriced).

3. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome, unless you have a kid who has to pee; Often.

4. Sitting in the nosebleed section is awesome if you love the smell of exhaust.

5. The employees selling food and souvenirs know what the hell they are doing. They walk especially slow and make eye contact with your kid. Assholes.

6. Don’t offer a cheaper alternative to concessions, such as a Happy Meal, unless you are ready to go. Now. Ten minutes into the show.

7. Noise. Canceling. Headsets (Thanks, Cindy).

8. There is an an actual technique to 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle.

8a. There is a such thing as 2 wheel, donut, and freestyle competition.

9. I am probably the only person in the building that pays someone else to change his oil and/or tires. Yes, I am a little jealous.

10. Monster trucks are as cool as they were when I was 5. Totally worth it.

There is Always an Ulterior Motive (a throwback)

At the basketball game during halftime with the girls:

“Can I get a drink?”

“Can I?”

” Yes.”

Heather (frantically questioning my sanity ): David! Where are they going!

“To the water fountain. Cut the cord!”

5 minutes later:

Fellow spectator: “Uh, Heather…”


And there were the girls, standing in the middle of the court.

This is why we can’t go in public.

10 things the 5th Grade BBall Team (coaches included) learned from getting our asses handed to us at the tourney today:

1. No one cares how well you did in previous tournaments.

2. Quitting is never an option.

3. You can do 20 things right, but if you do one thing wrong, Coach is on your ass.

4. A loss does not make you a loser.

5. We can come back from a deep deficit you competing.

6. Never look at the scoreboard while playing unless a coach tells you to do so.

7. Fall 7, up 8.

8. Little things will win you a game. But, they will also lose one for you.

9. There are 0 participation trophies.

10. We have an awesomely competitive group of girls.

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