Father of the Year Moment #264: The Classics are Always Better

*My eldest, thinking she is big shit after beating Super Mario Brothers Wii…

Me: Let’s see how great you are with the original Mario Brothers…

*Pandemonium ensues:

You have to go one at a time?

Wait, 3 lives and you start over?

I have to do all of that again?

Wait, you can’t go backwards?

What are the other powers (there are none)?

There is no ice power?

You can’t fly?

Why is he so blocky?

How’d you get in that secret area?

How do you know all this?

What the heck! Why did the mushroom go the other way?

I don’t like this.

Ten things I learned today about my kids and the Super Nintendo Classic:

1. They are spoiled brats.

2. It is amazing they have friends. If I were their age, I would not be their friend.

3. “Dad! How do you play?!” Seriously! Mash buttons until you get it. How helpless can you get?

4. “This looks funny!” Yeah, well, it was made in 1991. By the way, you look funny!

5. “Dad! Something is wrong!” Yeah it says “press start”.

6. “This cord is too short.” Sit on the damn floor like normal children.

7. It is a two-player game; that just means we take turns playing.

8. It is a two-player game; get out of my space.

9. It is a two-player game; we are not on the same team, we are fighting each other.

10. His name is Yoshi; he is not a horse! No, I don’t know why a dinosaur is in the game!

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