High Noon

2018-04-22 19.16.17

So there we were.

My one-year-old son and I.

Staring at each other.

Waiting for one of us to make the first move.

“If you take one more step, you’ll regret it.”

He picks his foot up.

“Uh-uh! Don’t you do it.”

His foot goes back. All is well with the world when suddenly —

He gives me the shit grin and takes one more step!

Despite being told no. Despite knowing full and well what the consequences will be. Despite me trying to scare the bejeebees out of him, he still does it.

He places one of his feet into the street.

We are not talking about him running out into the road. We are talking about him putting his foot in the gutter of the street, which he knows is forbidden! And that smirk. That shitty, shitty “I’m an asshole” smirk.

My smirk! (of course, my father says that it serves me right for all of the hell that I put him and my mother through)

2018-04-18 18.53.56-2Why?! Because he wants to question my authority? Because he wants to test the limits? Sure, he is cute — but shit; This kid thinks he can get away with murder!

Is this the Oedipus complex? I think it is. I think that he wants to challenge me and my authority over this house. I think that my one year old has turned into my rival. He knows that I am stronger, but any punishment that I give him will inact pitty from his mother. When she picks him up, he looks at me with this, “Well played, huh.” Look.


Who is going to metephorically lose his penis here?

Well, we both have the same attitude.

“It is sure as hell not going to be me.”

What we have here is quite the conundrum.

2018-04-22 11.24.34-1


School of Agriculture Fail

While playing with the Little People Farm set…

“Hey, son, what animal is this?”


“And this?”


“What about this?”

” A Boka-Bok.”

“Hmmm… No, this is a chicken.


Highly amused, but concerned, Heather decides to join in:

“Buddy, what is this?”


Well, shit.

My Oldest Daughter Gives Me This Poem as a Gift:

“Wow, this is nice.”

“Good. It took me a lot of time to find it.”

(puzzled) “Find it?”

“Yea! You did not think I wrote that myself did you?”

(Still puzzled)

“There is no way I can write like that. (Proud) But I found it on the Internet!”

Plagiarism? Really?! Her parents are English teachers. What will the neighbors think?!

Father of the Year Moment #301: The Grasshopper Becomes the Teacher!

While talking with Heather, Afro #2 is staring at me with a very disappointed look on her face:


You said a naughty word!

No I didn’t.

Yes you did!

Oh yeah, what did I s…




…and as she walked away from me with that disappointed look, I prayed that she would send me to my room for the rest of the night.


I love him, I swear I do (A disjointed, sleepless conversation)

5 a.m.:

Driving…Oedipus 2.0 won’t sleep…Did not sign up for this…Guess I will sleep when dead…no coffee…

People who say, “You are the one that decided to have four kids,” are the same people who will tell the officer that they, “did not decide to take a punch in the mouth.”

Life is full of choices, isn’t it?

So Peaceful…

I am so happy for him…

So, so, happy…

Mother of the Year Moment #1 – The Planets Align:

Confused, our oldest daughter goes to her mom for guidance…

“Mom, you know how Uranus is a planet? The kids in my class laugh at that and I don’t know why.”

So she told her. 🌎🌠🔭💩👩🏼‍🏫😂

#uranus #youranus #futureastronomer #momlife

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